Have You These Symptoms of Positive Thinking

In the waning words of Voltaire’s epic novel Candide, the title character, after many adventures and lessons learned that brought her through three continents and a ton of misery and disaster, said simply to conclude: “let us cultivate our garden” (Voltaire, p.167).

Candide learns just the opposite early on in the novel.   Her professor, Dr. Pangloss, an expert in “metaphysico-theologico-cosmolo-nigology (Voltaire, p.2),” teaches optimism to the class, saying that they live in the ‘best of all worlds,’ and that ‘all is for the best’  (Voltaire, p.6).   In essence, the power of positive thinking will do wonders.   Well, after shifting through three continents worth of adventures, and witnessing some of the worst historic tragedies of the day, Candide shies away from Dr. Pangloss’ optimism, as positive thinking is great, but without action, nothing gets accomplished.   Correcting her old professor, she concludes that it is best to work on one’s own garden.

What does it mean to cultivate our own garden?   Should we get out the garden gloves and shovel?  Is it time to go to the Home Depot?   In this author’s opinion, no.  Cultivating one’s garden means simply to put yourself selflessly first above all others.

I can hear the naysayers:  “Selflessly first?   That sounds like an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one!”    But it does make sense once you get down to it.   Let’s think about this for a minute through an example:

Let’s say you work two jobs and at least 60 hours/week.

You gain money, and a fair amount of it at that, every paycheck.   Let’s say that you then go out and blow it on liquor, strip clubs, and movie concessions.    You are negatively selfish here because you worked all these hours (whether you enjoyed them or not) to earn money that you can spend on yourself.

Sometimes you probably find that there is more month at the end of the money (probably because you’ve spent it on yourself), and you have to ask a friend for a loan.  Temporarily, you are fulfilled (maybe ‘pacified’ is a better word), but at the end of the day, you haven’t helped anyone but yourself.   Worse, you’ve become a financial burden to a friend or family member.   This is true selfishness, and one that has become the norm in our society, sadly.

Let’s take another scenario:

You work the same amount of hours, and then go out and spend it on violin lessons, Spanish courses, buying a few rounds for friends, and donating to charity.   You are still doing things for yourself, as they all make you feel good, but now you are doing productive activities – things that are pleasant and meaningful for a civilized society.  You then go on to teach others what you have learned, thus propagating these skill sets.  In the bigger picture, yes, you are being selfish, because you enjoy what you do, but you are also serving the greater good, one of the most selfless things you can do.

By being independent for yourself, you are also not a burden for anyone else.   You’re not the responsibility of anyone else but yourself.   You are accountable for all of your actions, not someone else.   By being yourself and cultivating your own garden, by extracting the weeds, by letting good, useful flowers grow, you are doing one of the most selfless things on this planet:  being independent.

Being selfish.

See?   There are advantages to putting yourself first, if only you stop thinking about yourself.



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This is One of Tantra’s Surprising Cornerstones

Living a tantric lifestyle is marvelously simple and creative.  But it begins, like so many journeys, with a few, small steps.  However it is different than other hobbies, in that, rather than jumping straight into a skill or an idea, it begins with stress management.

When I tell beginners that, especially men, they are shocked, in some way or other.  “I thought Tantra was about sex?” they insist, big-eyed.  The more inquisitive venture, “What does stress have to do with Tantra?”

Well, stress makes it more difficult to have sex, and impossible to really enjoy in the pleasure of it.  People don’t even think about sex when they’re really agitated, or worried about money, or the future, etc.  And those who think about sex a lot when they’re stressed are really just looking for stress-relief, so they’re not anticipating the pleasure of the act, but rather the end result, is also not good for sex.

Tantra holds that stress keeps us from attaining higher levels of functioning, success, and happiness, as well as inhibiting our experience of the divine.  If you have noticed how much more difficult it is to be attuned to yourself when stressed out, or to enjoy life, then you can understand why stress management is so important.  Our society may value material gain, but it is only by appropriate management of the self that one may become truly successful.

Stress management is one of the most fundamental parts of a Tantric lifestyle, and it is one of the easiest things to integrate into your daily life.  I am including a simple exercise from my eBook, The Power of Male Orgasmic Energy, to help anyone who is struggling with something in their lives, or who perhaps wants to achieve more and needs some extra help to rise to a higher level.

You can do this exercise in any quiet place, and since it takes less than a minute, that can mean your bedroom or yes, even the office bathroom.

When you are easily distracted and unable to stay on task, then try the clearing method a few times a day. If your boss criticizes your work, or puts pressure on you to finish an assignment before the holidays, try stepping aside and performing the clearing method:

  • Find a place where you will feel comfortable and unwind
  • Raise your hands over your head, slowly, breathing in deeply.
  • Relax on the exhale, begin calming yourself and think clear or untroubled.  You can imagine it on the backs of your eyelids, hear yourself say it, or maybe you hear someone else say it, whom you do not know but whose voice relaxes you.  Or maybe you just feel it,
  • Continue to hold CLEAR in the middle of your awareness as you slowly lower your hands to the middle of your body.
  • Finally, let go of CLEAR and become aware of yourself as a whole, human being.

Your body will slowly become accustomed to doing this on a frequent basis, making it easier to clear.

Fantastic, now your body is more relaxed and your thoughts are generating a clearer focus.

Other places you could practice the clearing method

  • In the master bedroom, with a partner, before intercourse
  • In the car, waiting for the engine to heat up or at a red light

Draw on your imagination and do some clearing today!   My next post covers “Simple Way To Take Control of Life”.

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Have You These Symptoms of Positive Thinking

In the waning words of Voltaire’s epic novel Candide, the title character, after many adventures and lessons learned that brought her through three continents and a ton of misery and disaster, said simply to conclude: “let us cultivate our garden” (Voltaire, p.167).  Candide learns just the opposite early on in the novel.  Her professor, Dr. Pangloss, an expert in “metaphysico-theologico-cosmolo-nigology (Voltaire, p.2),” teaches optimism to the class, saying that they live in the ‘best of all worlds,’ and that ‘all is for the best’  (Voltaire, p.6).  In essence, the power of positive thinking will do wonders.   Well, after shifting through three continents worth of adventures, and witnessing some of the worst historic tragedies of the day, Candide shies away from Dr. Pangloss’ optimism, as positive thinking is great, but without action, nothing gets accomplished.  Correcting her old professor, she concludes that it is best to work on one’s own garden.

What does it mean to cultivate our own garden?  Should we get out the garden gloves and shovel?  Is it time to go to the Home Depot?  In this author’s opinion, no.  Cultivating one’s garden means simply to put yourself selflessly first above all others.

I can hear the naysayers:  “Selflessly first?  That sounds like an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one!”   But it does make sense once you get down to it.  Let’s think about this for a minute through an example:

Let’s say you work two jobs and at least 60 hours/week.

You gain money, and a fair amount of it at that, every paycheck.  Let’s say that you then go out and blow it on liquor, strip clubs, and movie concessions.   You are negatively selfish here because you worked all these hours (whether you enjoyed them or not) to earn money that you can spend on yourself.

Sometimes you probably find that there is more month at the end of the money (probably because you’ve spent it on yourself), and you have to ask a friend for a loan.  Temporarily, you are fulfilled (maybe ‘pacified’ is a better word), but at the end of the day, you haven’t helped anyone but yourself.  Worse, you’ve become a financial burden to a friend or family member.  This is true selfishness, and one that has become the norm in our society, sadly.

Let’s take another scenario:

You work the same amount of hours, and then go out and spend it on violin lessons, Spanish courses, buying a few round for friends, and donating to charity.  You are still doing things for yourself, as they all make you feel good, but now you are doing productive activities – things that are pleasant and meaningful for a civilized society.  You then go on to teach others what you have learned, thus propagating these skill sets.  In the bigger picture, yes, you are being selfish, because you enjoy what you do, but you are also serving the greater good, one of the most selfless things you can do.

By being independent for yourself, you are also not a burden for anyone else.   You’re not the responsibility of anyone else but yourself.  You are accountable for all of your actions, not someone else.  By being yourself and cultivating your own garden, by extracting the weeds, by letting good, useful flowers grow, you are doing one of the most selfless things on this planet:  being independent.

Being selfish.

See?  There are advantages to putting yourself first, if only you stop thinking about yourself.

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10 Tips for the over-stressed and over worked “On Being Present”

The reason I have been writing a lot lately about truly Being in the Present is because it is so very important in understanding tantric sexuality which will be coming.

"Being in the present"

Focus on where it's at.

Being in the present is one of those abilities and qualities people often mention after having met charismatic people like Bill Clinton or Oprah just to mention a few.  They are fully there – centred and with the intense focus that being present creates.  Many people aren’t used to being the unequivocal focus of another person’s energy or are not even aware and so when it happens, the recipient of that attention feels special.

When listening fully to the person as an equal no matter who they are; young, old or in between do not go into multi-thinking.  Keep nice eye-contact without staring (don’t forget to break sometimes…you know, before it gets weird).  Also, being there has a tendency to make you more open and inquisitive in a natural way.  Instinctively, when you are Present things catch your eye and people are likely to become more interesting.  So here are ideas that have worked for many people including celebrities … pick and choose the ones that you think will work best for you:

  1. Focus on where it’s at. Right in front of you, or around you.  And even on you.  Use your senses and look right now at what is in front of you.  Can you hear the sounds about you?  Touch the fabric of your clothes and focus on how they feel.
  2. Be aware.  Thinking about the past and future comes to you naturally.  That’s OK.  Just become more aware of those thoughts.  Awareness will bring change and change will bring you to the present.
  3. Do not be harsh.  If you think about the past or future, do not be stern with yourself!  Don’t try to push those thoughts out of your head.  Instead, be aware of them, and gradually allow them to go away. T hen bring yourself back to the present.
  4. Eating is a time to eat.  The best way to think about being present is this: do just one thing at a time.  When you are eating, don’t make a mental list of things to do or think about something negative.  Just pay attention and enjoy what you’re eating, do it slowly.  This goes for other seemingly mundane tasks: mowing the lawn, taking a shower, driving, working, playing.  In other words, multi tasking is not necessarily a good thing.
  5. Zazen. The core of Zen practice is seated meditation that in turn is simply sitting.  You don’t have to contemplate about anything, nor any need of chanting.  You strive to be aware of the stream of thoughts, allowing them to arise and pass away without interference.  In other words, you just sit, and focus on sitting. This has been a very useful practice for me and I add a smile creating thoughts that are more positive.
  6. Do Exercises.  Exercise is a wonderful practice.  If running is your choice, then run and only run.  The secret is to focus on running, on breathing, on nothing but the present which is simply running.
  7. Everyday routines.  Again, be aware of your stream of thoughts.  When you do laundry, this is practice, your meditation.  When you walk your dog, focus on walking your dog.  Make anything you do into practice.
  8. Use reminders.  Sound silly but it works.  Place a reminder where it will be visible, on your fridge, on your computer desktop, in your car.  Any place you will notice is a good thing.  Whatever it takes to keep your focus on practicing being present.
  9. No failure.  Everybody messes up, but that’s OK, because it is impossible to mess up.  Over time, the only thing of importance is that you practice, and in the end, if you keep doing it, you will learn to focus on the present more often than you do now.  Say to yourself “I cannot fail”, even if you stop doing it for awhile.  You have the right to celebrate every little success. Doing it at all is success.

10.  Continue practicing.  When you get frustrated, just take a deep breath.  There is no magical formula except “keep practicing”.  Isn’t that what we teach our children?

This is just a few methods and techniques that I utilize to find and prolong those moments when I am truly in the present.  Of course tip number ten is the one to keep returning to.  Being in the moment takes focus and practice.  The more you do it, the longer and more intense your abilities will become.  How many benefits will you discover when truly being in the here and now?  How will living in the present affect your spiritual consciousness?  And the ultimate question, are you ready to actively live in the present?

Photo courtesy of Morgue Files.

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